The Chic Diet

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People who choose to imbibe in white flour likely don’t realize what grossly misinformed lives they lead, and I can only pray that they will one day see the light.

I have to go to a friends house tonight and she's ordering Chinese and ice cream after. What do I do? It's rude to decline but at the same time I don't' want to gain any weight. I finally got to my goal of 110 lbs and I don't want to lose it.

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Let’s play a game of Diet Roulette:

1. “Ohmigod, I totally forgot about dinner and scarfed down an entire Quest Bar earlier. I’m sooo full because, like, protein, you know? Oopsies!”

2. “I’ve been feeling sick, like, all day. Oily Chinese food is literally the last thing I need right now. Do you have any diet ginger ale tho?”

3. “I read an article that Chinese restaurants use LARD to cook and deep fry their dishes. Even having those potsticker vapors waft into my nostrils will be super un-vegan, so I’ll just go and sit in that corner over there.”

4. “I break out whenever I have dairy, eggs, gluten, oil, or anything not green-colored, so I’m going to have to pass. Ugh, life is just so unfair!”

5. “I just had Chinese last night so I’m not really in the mood. Looks super yum though!”

6. Pick a new group of friends, ugh.

Everyone knows that Cinderella was basically an educational documentary—get really hot and fucking royalty will fall at your feet.

Half a day of food abstinence can hardly be deemed a “fasting” period—it’s called not stuffing your goddamn face for a normal period of time.